The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
