I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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