My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize