god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
