Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
