Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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