How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
