it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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