It's Friday. Sex?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
