It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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