Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
