i would punch a child for taco bell
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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