im gay
i know
yea but for you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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