Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
