I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
