Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
