just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
