I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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