yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
