After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm at about main and main street
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
