david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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