K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
