My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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