I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
