Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
