The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize