dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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