I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
