Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
3pm strippers are depressing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
