a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize