WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize