there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize