Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
