why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
