I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
