Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
