I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
