So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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