new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
