Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
