I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
