that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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