Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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