he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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