yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
