it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
