i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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