If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
