Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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