i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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