i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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