Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
