We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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