My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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