You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize