Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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