so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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