Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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