haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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