i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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