just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
