dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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