She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
