and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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