ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think my tv is drunk
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
