Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That's when you crack a 10am beer
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
