I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
