And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Everclear isn't food dammit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
