Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
