i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
