Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
