organizing the empties. That sober.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
