I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
